Monday, September 29, 2008

Little Book of Scottish Folklore

So, apparently Matt feels that I unfairly made him come across as anti-Scottish when I said on stage that he referred to Scotland as a "colony of retards." I will admit that this was unfair on my part, mostly because I did not give the context under which that statement was made. Matt claims that he wasn't saying he hated Scottish people; rather, he was saying that he hated Paula. So let me give you the entire dialogue as best as I remember it, and let you be the judge:

Paula: There's this documentary out, I don't remember the name, but it's about this isolated colony in the Northern UK that's inhabited by, and entirely run by, handicapped people.

Matt: I heard about that too.

Paula: Oh yeah?

Matt: Yeah, it's called Scotland., as you can see, Matt was clearly taking a shot at Paula and the one-fifth or so of her that is Scottish, and not at Scottish people in general (insert sarcasm here). Needless to say, it still won us a bunch of British fans.

Feel better, Laforest?

On a semi-related note, we have been auditioning bass players lately. In the meantime, our fill-in approach has been working wonderfully. The problem that we have with keeping bass players full-time, however, is that either Matt keeps subjecting them to his "Eau De Wrath" or Paula keeps sleeping with them. So we've decided to audition bassists who my gay-dar tells me aren't into women -- which means we only have to worry about Matt throwing drum sticks and other random bits of machinery at them in rehearsal (oh, and me trying to sleep with them if it's a Sunday).

But seriously though, Matt and I were at a party to launch Ryan Worsley's EchoPlant Studios over the weekend, where Colin Bales, the bassist in Dawntreader, remarked that he thought Paula was, "like a rock groupie who got lucky and actually joined the band." Although I had just finished asking Dawntreader how much longer they were going to replace Matthew Thomas with a male vocalist, Matt (Laforest) and I didn't much appreciate someone in another "band" talking ill of our bandmate. Remember, we can say all we want about one another, but if some outsider cuts us down, well, that's grounds for a monster beating.

So Matt and I dragged Colin's sorry ass down the hill and curbstomped him in front of his wife.

Canadians: remember to vote on October 14.